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on relationships

I had a really long phone call home today with my family, and we talked about so many things that got my mind stirring, particularly about my views on relationships, so I wanted to articulate them here to reflect on later.

I feel that the idea of soulmates is preposterous. There are almost seven billion people on this planet, and you must be joking if you expect me to believe that there is one person who is perfectly designed to be with me. Even if that were true, as a statistics major, one in seven billion? That kind of number makes for terrible odds of ever finding “the one.” Relationships seem to be mainly about timing and effort, with a little bit of luck. Couples that are madly in love a month earlier fall apart with disastrous consequences for all parties, yet marriages that aren’t overtly emotional function well and provide more. Passion helps, but effort is what makes or breaks them.

I am a firm believer in the idea that you cannot have a solid relationship without first establishing a solid friendship. I have always had many more close guy friends because they tend to be more relaxed and easy-going, but this has also caused me problems several times because after a certain point, if feelings develop, things get messy. Judgment calls must be made about taking such a risk on a close friendship, and sure, you’ll never know if you never try, but if that trial ends in errors and the eventual loss of a solid relationship… I don’t know. I’m a bit risk averse, and my two attempts have ended poorly. The friendships both stand, but that baggage will always remain.

This might be the wrong mindset to have, but I am incredibly busy with everything in my own life right now; if I want to make a sound investment in a serious relationship, complete with time, money, energy, and emotions, then I need to see that it could last in the long term. No economics major wants to see their investments deteriorate. With time, they should only grow. Simply put, I don’t want to waste my time on people who don’t bring me happiness and thus don’t deserve it.

There is a guy in my life who I have had feelings for on and off for far too long a period of time. I am not sure if he has ever felt the same, but when I am around him, I feel completely comfortable and have conversations with him I can’t with most people. He is incredibly intelligent, witty, honest, and considerate, with a huge heart. We do things that could be considered dates I suppose, like going to concerts/ dinners and just hanging out and chatting on other evenings, but it has never developed into anything more. I feel like he has figured his life out recently, and I couldn’t be happier for him.

It is always a terrible game, wanting to hang out more without seeming too clingy. I suppose that is what bothers me most about relationships - all the subtle nuances and reading into things. I enjoy my independence and need my space, but when a couple emerges, it is almost an expectation of society for them to be intertwined, with no sense of boundaries. 

I suppose that on any day, I might find the right person, at the right time. Til then, cheers to being single.

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